We learn to put boundaries in place when we feel that people walk over us and don’t consider our feelings before acting.
These boundaries can then act to make us feel strong and empowered as we learn to speak up for ourselves.
But after time, they may come to feel inflexible and difficult to maintain. Maybe even tiring.
IMO, “setting firm boundaries” is only needed until the point we’ve done enough work on ourselves to know and trust how we’re feeling in each moment. And then to love ourselves enough to be able to communicate how we’re feeling without feeling unsafe. This is now fluid, loving, gentle, soft.
So we go from feeling disrespected and misunderstood, to empowered but rigid, to feeling safe enough in ourselves and our multitude of emotions to be comfortable sharing when we feel something isn’t right.
What I really love about this is it doesn’t take any effort. No controlling, pre-planning, or anticipating that “someone” will encroach on our personal peace. It just takes presence, and noticing what’s going on in our bodies moment to moment. And then, sharing that from the heart.
It might seem incredibly sensitive at first, to say to someone “It makes me feel really sad when you do that.” But the strength, is in staying open.
Say the thing, and keep your heart open! It’s not blaming, or falling into victim mode. It’s allowing how you’re feeling in the moment and loving yourself enough to communicate that to the other so they can know how you’re feeling, too.
What happens next is out of your control. And it doesn’t matter. You just get to keep following how you’re feeling in each moment and decide where you want to go with that person and the conversation. It’s not complicated, it just takes care.
Try it next time you’re feeling squeezed, and let me know how you go!
With love,
Nicola xx 🌹
Coach, Seer & Guide
Working with me involves opening the doors to your inner realms and then learning to find safety there. Seeing the patterns and reactions we have that keep us held captive, and slowly softening and trusting the process as it uniquely unfolds for us, moment to day to cycle to phase, is how we live a life without suffering…
Exactly 🙂